I Understand.


The last year has been a trying one. For someone who always hated changes, I’ve experienced many in the last few months. At times it has been overwhelming. More than once I thought, “I can’t do this.” But every day I kept waking up and every day I’ve worked at understanding; understanding current situations but most importantly, understanding myself.

I’m have the want to understand but no longer am I obsessed with seeking out answers to questions I’ve come to understand may never be answered.

I have learned history is, in fact, important for the purposes of learning from it so we do not repeat but once it has been truthfully exposed and from it learn how not to repeat it, history should remain firmly in the past. It can not be changed and is merely extra baggage no one needs to carry.

I understand where I came from. I understand why I became I who I was. And while I understand I am no longer that girl, I understand she still lurks within. I understand, while the new me becomes stronger and more dominate everyday, I must always be aware of my old self deep within so that I may properly control her.

There is still so much to learn but I understand what is important now.

At 43 years old, I’m finally ready to start living.